Monday, November 23, 2009

Quorn for everyone!

I know I should be writing about things I cook, not premade things I buy and shove in my foodhole, but I cannot pass up talking about Quorn.

Remember that chicken patty sammy you had in gradeschool?  It was breaded and mass produced and mass prepared and perfect.  Remember how it probably had more heinies and lips in it than it probably had chicken?  Well - welcome to Quorn: The Non-Chicken Chicken Patty That Is Good For You and Tastes Just Like Third Grade.

You can find these in most supermarkets and of course at the Co Op.  But let me tell you about what Quorn is.  It's mycoprotein.  Mycowhowho? 

Micoprotein.  "The principal ingredient in all Quorn products is mycoprotein (“myco” is Greek for “fungi”). The mycoprotein comes from Fusarium venenatum, which was originally discovered growing in a field in Buckinghamshire, England. In the late 1960s, initial product development began, soon recognizing mycoprotein’s potential as an efficient and nutritious protein source."  ( info here.

Anyfakechicken, this stuff is awesome.  I started with just the basic model, Chik'n Patties. (By the way, I love that taking out/changing a few letters then legally allows you to not put anything related to the word in the thing.  Example:  You want to make something seem like fish but you call it "Fisssssssssssshe" which would legally allow you to make your product out of veal, but sell it like it's fish.  Awesome.)  So the Chik'n Patty is awesome.  Total school food heaven.  Slap that thing on a soft, white bun and hello school cafeteria.  Serve it with too soft and overly salted french fries and you'll be looking to sign up to be a class helper and pass out the crayons to the class in no time.

Today I took a step up and graduated to the Quorn Cranberry & Goat Cheese Chik'n Cutlet and wow!  I would like to be buried with a box of these please so I can take them to the World Beyond with me.  Holy yum.  I kind of felt like having a glass of wine with this, but I was at school and they frown upon drinking wine out of a Nalgene while I am teaching literature (strange, that) so I just had my boring lemony water with it.  I brought one for lunch and just threw it in the microwave so I am excited to try it after I cook it properly in the oven.  And when I got those I also got a box of Quorn Gruy√®re Cutlets  which now I CANNOT WAIT to try.  And there are a lot more Quorn products that I will now look for, and obsess over.

The worst thing about Quorn?  Well that has to be the name.  I hate telling people about it and saying "So there's this stuff called Quorn, but it's spelled with a Q-U-O-R-N and there is no corn in it and it's chicken but it's not chicken."  Sheesh.

Either way - go ahead and get some.  But don't forget to wear your galoshes.  And clean your room when you get back.


  1. Oh man, I kept thinking "Man, these look even better than regualar Quorn..." for the cran and goat cheese ones. I'm glad I read this after my trip to the co-op. I'm terrible at stopping at just one of anything. Although next time I pop in... these are a done deal.

  2. tell me how you like them after you try them!

  3. I just bought a box because you raved about them. Then of course I find this article I'm a little weary to try them now, but I'll give them a shot and hope that it doesn't bother me.

  4. good for you chrystal! try it! i do have to wonder if the people that had such violent reactions had other allergies that they should have thought of before they purchased something derived from a fungus. i am definitely biased because i like the stuff and because it doesn't make me throw up so hard that it feels like "the soles of my feet were going to come out of my mouth".